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The Colbert Report/Episode/587
Production Info |- |} |- |} Intro SEGMENT1 * Dr. Colbert's hair is coming back * Walter Cronkite died last Friday ** select few knew him as Dr. Funkenstein * his influence ** news anchors still wear ties * appropriate for Democratic Convention of 1968 ** but not Octomom * Cronkite family has not yet booked the Staples Center * Stephen covered Cronkite using the style of today ** he will be missed Racism * during Sonia Sotomayor's confirmation hearings ** Stephen learned something * as a white male, Stephen is being reverse discriminated against ** People tell Stephen he's white, and he believes them because he's not a New Haven firefighter * Stephen believes 3/5ths of blacks should have volunteered during the Civil War ** white people can call each other something that no one else is allowed to: "Senator" * white people are the new black people * in a speech to the NAACP, Obama said no more excuses * people who have been black for more than a week * founder and exec director of "Harlem Children's Zone" ** Geoffrey Canada * he is a tall, thin black man that people surfing channels might mistake for Obama and tune in * Obama's speech to the NAACP was a speech for all Americans ** not just black or white Americans * categories are handy * whites had to give up discrimination ** you're welcome * Stephen is being discriminated against * Mr. Canada couldn't find a place where white men are institutionally discriminated against * Obama was trying to make it clear that he was holding all Americans accountable * a reasonable hour for kids to go to bed would be midnight ** after The Colbert Report The Sport Report * screw Gatorade, when Stephen needs electrolytes, he'll throw a toaster into the tub! * Football ** Dallas Cowboy quarterback Tony Romo broke up with Jessica Simpson * Taekwondo ** New Zealander wants to go to London Olympics *** opened a brothel to fund his trip * New Zealand fun facts ** brothels are legal *** gives Hobbits a chance to get laid ** lots of sheep, encouraging sex with humans * next segment is brought to you by Bud Light & Bud Light Lime ** Ultimate Fighting Championships *** awkward spooning * Stephen loves the taste of Bud Light ** which gives him a thirst for Bud Light Lime *** Coors Light is also a sponsor (doesn't taste anything like Palmolive Dishwashing soap) Interview * Robert Park ** book: "Superstition: Belief in the Age of Science" * a scientist who opposes manned space-flight (he doesn't have his own treadmill in space) * how did he celebrate 40th anniversary of man on moon ** we kicked commie ass * long-time critic * there's two NASA's :# goes to Saturn and looks at it's moons and Hubble :# then there's the one where astronauts sit on the ISS * there's romance ** toilets backing up * we've learned plumbing from NASA * what we can do on the moon ** plant flags ** play golf ** drive lunar rover * why are we going to Mars ** we want to find life ** and oil * find extraterrestrial life ** bring them Jesus * all Stephen needs is sunlight and Bud Light Lime to live * when man is trapped in a spacesuit for his trip to Mars he will only have one sense: ** sight * robots have better eyes ** but if they can begin to tell us what they feel being on Mars they will rise up Epilogue * Dr. Colbert gives a quick send off and a good night Gallery File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: Official Truthy Videos * Colbert Nation Home Tube External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments